awareness to the ones unwilling to learn

is tired of hearing people talk about me to young to have parkinson's ...ya know i would rather not have this disease but guess what i do so either get use to it and move on like i did or just stay away from me because i dont need the stress nor the aggravation of your negative attitude.. this disease cares not for age, race, nationality, or anything else . the questions you should be asking is will i be the next one to hear the words ... You have parkinsons disease hmmm somethinng to think about no one is safe from pd , cancer , heart disease,etc so dont judge someone till you have taken a few steps in their shoes!!!!!!!!!!!


people dont understand we do not choose this. it just happened to be that it happened to me and not you. tread lightly in these waters because you never know if or when you could be the next to deal with what i deal with on a regular basis...is it fair i think not . but without parkinsons i would not be the person i am today. i rely on GOD for strength instead of myself. i rely on the help of others to help me do the things that i can no longer do. instead of judging how about praying for those who have pd, cancer, heart disease etc...... some of us not only have pd but heart disease and have battled cancer. does that make me any less of a person than you i think not it just means i have had to struggle more pray more rely on others more call upon GOD more

DON'T JUDGE ME ....ONLY 1 WILL EVER JUDGE ME AND THAT IS GOD ALMIGHTY HIS OPINION IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS...

random

today has been a very difficuilt day for me. i fixed dinner tonight but think chance got more of his share, lol . i pray for a day soon where the pd is not so bad that i can get some major cleaning on the house done. simple things that some take for granted such as unloading the dishwasher and reloading just takes everything out of me. but i will get the house ready by friday if it kills me. we are having a weekend with the girls for brianna's birthday. she will be turning 11 and this is killing me she is growing up so fast and in some ways is the girliest girl but in others is the biggest tomboy there is how can this be lol. one day she gets all dolled up for school the next she wears osu sweats. this girl confuses me. danielle on the other hand is just plain girlie. the little southern belle u could say. i believe someday she may be misss america. she loves getting dressed up and pictures taken of her. lol which since getting a new tripod for christmas (thanks gene and lynette) i am most eagerly excited to take her pics. thursday marks the 5th year since i lost samuel as this day grows closer it gets harder please pray for me. i know for some reason that God decided he would be better of with him in heaven, but it doesn't make me miss him any less i keep thinking what he would look like now he would be 4yrs old would he be a mommys boy? well enough for now i am going to bed maybe sleep will come tonight

REFLECTIONS

For the past hour i have been sitting here thinking about the past 5 1/2 yrs. I have cried, laughed, and cried some more. The past 5 yrs have been difficuilt for me for various reasons. It all started with being dxd with parkinson's disease, loosing my baby boy(miscarriage) heart disease, cervical cancer, conversion disorder, ptsd. I have been thru the ringer and back, im not writing this for sympathy, i am writing this because i feel that maybe in someway who ever reads this will not give up hope. And know that GOD is there for you if you ask. I dont know why all these things happened to me but i can say this with each thing it has brought someone new into my life for which i am very grateful and thank GOD for each day. Anyone who knew me in school would tell you i was never one to make a public speach, i basicly showed up tried to be unnoticed and get thru those 4 yrs. Now i can say that i have done more public speaking in 5 yrs than i did my whole life. With each thing that has happened to me it has made me a stronger person yes even on my bad days stronger meaning my faith gets stronger everyday, i believe GOD has a plan and though i can't see or understand it yet, someday i will. Because he lives in my heart and gives me hope of eternal life with no pain. I know that when i go out places people look at me funny, they may laugh. but i hold my head high and i am not ashamed, because I HAVE PARKINSONS.....PARKINSONS DOES NOT HAVE ME!!!!


IF YOU ARE READING THIS KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU AND PRAY FOR YOU EVERYDAY,
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE GOD GAVE ME THAT LOVE FOR EVERYONE
I PRAY FOR YOU BECAUSE I PRAY FOR EVERYONE

AND FOR THOSE WHO HAVE TOUCHED MY LIFE (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) WORDS CANNOT

DESCRIBE WHAT YOU MEAN TO ME AND I PRAY THAT YOU KNOW THIS.

LESSONS LEARNED

I have made decision's in my past, that if i could do over i would choose differently. But you learn from your mistakes and move on, advise your kids on the mistakes you've made and pray they make better decisions than i did. I have also learned not to let people walk all over me because they feel that they are better than me in some way...NEWS FLASH WE ARE ALL THE SAME IN GOD'S EYE'S IF YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD there is no difference. Do i make mistakes today of course, i have to Pray for forgiveness daily. Just because you are a child of God does not make you perfect. Also just because you are a child of God means the devil is after you...not the sinner he (the devil ) already has the sinner he wants to attack the children of God. Anyways i have learned not to make resolutions for the new year....i never end up doing them. All i can strive for is to be a better person today than i was yesturday. I have been hurt by people so bad that words cannot describe, they have burned their bridges, do i forgive them YES . Do i have to associate myself with them NO!!!! When i was saved i was given a love for everyone, and the desire to pray for everyone, and the heart to forgive . Some don't understand this. I can't explain it other than Jesus came into my heart!!!! The most important thing to me is GOD, second is my family, friends, and so on. I always want to be remembered as someone who always showed how much they cared and loved everyone around them

hey

i love this pic.....i think the pic speaks for itself

The girls ask alot of questions about when they were little. I have one memory that is one of my very faorite. Brianna wasn't even a week old , i think she was 5 days old and we went to spend friday night with gene and lynette. Brian was there and this was the first time he got to see her, she was wearing a purple sleeper with a white onesie. i remember him holding her while reading a book, i fell asleep on the floor. he never woke me up he just held her until i woke up she never cried. She was named after him and my sister brian and diane and we got brianna her middle name came from grandma charlotte. i can tell you one thing brianna loves to pick on brian i think she bonded with him that day. not to say that she favors any over the other but anyways this was something on my mind.


Danielle on the other hand loved to play tricks on me from day 1. She was suppose to be a boy. they told me the whole time she was a boy, so i bought blues greens and yellow sleepers. also to bring him "her" home in i had dress pants white shirt button down and a vest with a bear. lol so to my suprise when they reached her to me and said its a girl i knew she would be danielle .....from daniel in the lions den. and her middle name is carolyn after my mother...

i guess its just good to look back on the past.. i asked my dad about his first memory of me when i was born and he told me the first thing he did was went and bought a box of cigars for work that night and handed them out sayin "ITS A GIRL" i have always been a daddys girl always have always will................

remodeling

a couple of weeks ago i went to the dr to find out i have fibramyalgia and mono. he tells me to get plenty of rest,( which in my mind says something totally different )
cause that friday i start ripping carpet out of 4 rooms in my house painting 2 rooms staining and pollying the 4 floors. now it takes me and my daddy almost a week to get this done and now im paying for it pyhsically. but i must say it was worth it i love the look of the floors. what i can say about them are the floors were stubborn bullheaded but beautiful just like me lol rik likes that saying. heres a couple of pics before my camera got boxed up.