As i sit here in the dark reflecting on the days activities i realize i was alone once again in a dark lonely house. I heard a show on the radio sayin that dopamine effects a persons mood. That if you say something nice to someone and they believe it to be sincere it can cause somewhat of a high, but if you say something negative it emotionaly and physically causes them pain. So does this mean since i am losing dopamine that i really dont stand a chance at feeling better anytime soon. I hate feeling this way i have been really depressed lately i put on a smile just so mom rik and the rest of the family doesnt really see what i am going through. I just dont want them to know that i have days that i cant get outta bed or that i am physically in so much pain that it takes everything i have just to do regular household chores but i do it. This is just taking its toll on me the surgery has worked so why am i still feeling this way why am i still in so much pain that i can't sleep and spend all my time while everyone is asleep i am crying it's a different pain than before the surgery now its like i am just a shell of what i use to be. like i lost something a part of me i know that GOD will see me through this storm and that as long as i believe and keep my faith in him that things will be ok. i am grateful for what he has given me im just a little sad and really worried about some things