What next?

Have you ever just wanted to cry until you couldnt cry anymore. cry till all the pain was gone .

another year older

another year older , i am so thankful for my family friends and those people who say what you need to hear even if it is not what you want to hear. rik cooked out on the grill for my birthday , and the pic of me was taken for my cousin jenn who is pregnant and wanted a bday pic of me . dont ask me why she wanted it but oh well thats the best i could do. i have decided to have the dbs done now to figure out where to have it done is the next step. one thing i am afraid of is i have heard of a couple of situations where after having dbs the person has good results from the surgery for parkinsons but they become manic. now this scares me so i will be talking to the drs about this and weigh the odds before going thru with the surgery.

wen

APRIL16,2010

On 4/16/10 i went to see DR. Slevin in Lexington Ky. I was refered to him by my nuerologist, Dr. BLake. After this visit i have alot of decisions to make, Dr Slevin wants me to have the surgery within 6 monts. If i do the surgery they can decrease the meds i take, and with a successful surgery it would mean that it would make my chances of getting dyskensia pushed into the future alot longer. whereas if i dont have the surgery and they continue to increase my meds i end up with dyskensia in my 40's possibley. which i turn 36 tomorrow what a wonderful day huh. i am awake during the surgery while they drill what they call burr holes in the top of my head 2 of them 1 on the left side of my brain and 1 on the left. then i have wires going under my skin to a box in my chest. now for this surgery to happen they have to shave my head ( which im not so thrilled about) and im awake to me this is scary . but it would mean no more tremors. something i have prayed for , for a very long time... but how long will the surgery last no one knows depends on each person, it could last a very long time with low dose of meds. or it could work for so long and have to slowly increase meds i just don't know what to do at this point.

thoughts

Just a few thoughts this week. I found a renter for my birdhouse that my neighbor built for me last year for my birthday don't know what kind of bird it is but here's a picture of it anyways. i love my new porch i know i should post pics but havent taken any yet lol. sitting on the porch early in the morning around 10 not to early the sun shining on my feet getting a flip flop tan lol knitting on my dishclothes i have been making that i have no clue what i am going to do with them lol. but it gives me something to do and relaxes me sometimes so i figure what the heck why not lol.



i love this time of year everything is inn bloom



ah to be a kid again this is bri brooke and danielle . brooke is now 18 she was the flower girl in my wedding yikes how time flies lol they were waiting on the ice cream truck that btw never showed up they were so disappointed

but they are my girls and i love em

our new family photo


love it

awareness to the ones unwilling to learn

is tired of hearing people talk about me to young to have parkinson's ...ya know i would rather not have this disease but guess what i do so either get use to it and move on like i did or just stay away from me because i dont need the stress nor the aggravation of your negative attitude.. this disease cares not for age, race, nationality, or anything else . the questions you should be asking is will i be the next one to hear the words ... You have parkinsons disease hmmm somethinng to think about no one is safe from pd , cancer , heart disease,etc so dont judge someone till you have taken a few steps in their shoes!!!!!!!!!!!


people dont understand we do not choose this. it just happened to be that it happened to me and not you. tread lightly in these waters because you never know if or when you could be the next to deal with what i deal with on a regular basis...is it fair i think not . but without parkinsons i would not be the person i am today. i rely on GOD for strength instead of myself. i rely on the help of others to help me do the things that i can no longer do. instead of judging how about praying for those who have pd, cancer, heart disease etc...... some of us not only have pd but heart disease and have battled cancer. does that make me any less of a person than you i think not it just means i have had to struggle more pray more rely on others more call upon GOD more

DON'T JUDGE ME ....ONLY 1 WILL EVER JUDGE ME AND THAT IS GOD ALMIGHTY HIS OPINION IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS...

random

today has been a very difficuilt day for me. i fixed dinner tonight but think chance got more of his share, lol . i pray for a day soon where the pd is not so bad that i can get some major cleaning on the house done. simple things that some take for granted such as unloading the dishwasher and reloading just takes everything out of me. but i will get the house ready by friday if it kills me. we are having a weekend with the girls for brianna's birthday. she will be turning 11 and this is killing me she is growing up so fast and in some ways is the girliest girl but in others is the biggest tomboy there is how can this be lol. one day she gets all dolled up for school the next she wears osu sweats. this girl confuses me. danielle on the other hand is just plain girlie. the little southern belle u could say. i believe someday she may be misss america. she loves getting dressed up and pictures taken of her. lol which since getting a new tripod for christmas (thanks gene and lynette) i am most eagerly excited to take her pics. thursday marks the 5th year since i lost samuel as this day grows closer it gets harder please pray for me. i know for some reason that God decided he would be better of with him in heaven, but it doesn't make me miss him any less i keep thinking what he would look like now he would be 4yrs old would he be a mommys boy? well enough for now i am going to bed maybe sleep will come tonight